Time is going by so fast and soon I will start "officially" training for the Syracuse 70.3. Training start date is the first week in January. Five weeks. Holy shit.
I am excited and nervous to start with a coach. Excited because I am confident she will take me where I need to go and get me ready. Nervous because I am not used to being the center of attention. All my coaching experiences have been in large groups. Easy to hide. Not be noticed. Cheat. There is no more hiding.
I am afraid of failure. Disappointment in myself. Disappointing the coach. Being a pain in the ass. Afraid of letting my crutch go of hiding behind other people. It is comfortable there. I blend. I am more comfortable helping others than other helping me. Afraid of pushing hard and it not being good enough. It is that magical line in my brain that I have to reach to make it good enough. I am not good enough. I just want it to be enough.
Each week I will be held accountable for my actions. Each week I will be one-on-one with my coach. It is like piano lessons all over again. If you don't practice the teacher will know. And it up to me to do the work. I know this. It is my responsibility. But I make excuses. I rationalize. Procrastinate. Then beat myself up because I know better.
I know better.
This training is not just about getting me ready for the 70.3. If I do the work, I will be fine. I WILL complete the course. I need to break bad training habits. Finding a way to get the work done. Being excited about it.
The training to me is more important than the event.
Can I do it? Can I break these habits? This question scares the shit out of me.