Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Ride is about to begin

Time is going by so fast and soon I will start "officially" training for the Syracuse 70.3.  Training start date is the first week in January.  Five weeks.  Holy shit. 

I am excited and nervous to start with a coach.  Excited because I am confident she will take me where I need to go and get me ready.  Nervous because I am not used to being the center of attention.  All my  coaching experiences have been in large groups.  Easy to hide.  Not be noticed.  Cheat.  There is no more hiding. 

I am afraid of failure.  Disappointment in myself.  Disappointing the coach.  Being a pain in the ass.  Afraid of letting my crutch go of hiding behind other people. It is comfortable there.  I blend.  I am more comfortable helping others than other helping me.  Afraid of pushing hard and it not being good enough.  It is that magical line in my brain that I have to reach to make it good enough.  I am not good enough.  I just want it to be enough.

Each week I will be held accountable for my actions. Each week I will be one-on-one with my coach.  It is like piano lessons all over again.  If you don't practice the teacher will know.  And it up to me to do the work. I know this.  It is my responsibility. But I make excuses.  I rationalize.  Procrastinate.  Then beat myself up because I know better. 

I know better.

This training is not just about getting me ready for the 70.3.  If I do the work, I will be fine.  I WILL complete the course.  I need to break bad training habits. Finding a way to get the work done. Being excited about it. 

The training to me is more important than the event. 

Can I do it?  Can I break these habits? This question scares the shit out of me.

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