Last weekend I ran a half marathon. It sucked. Sucked bad. It was in the high 80's and the course was a BORING flat out and back. I managed to keep a 9:30 pace for the first 10 miles and then the wheels came off. It was so hot and there was barely any shade. Ended up walking quite a few times till mile 11. Thankfully a friend caught up with me and kept me going till the end. End time was not my best by far, but not my worst -- 2:13 and some change.
I knew going into the race it was going to be a tough run because I haven't been running much. Only getting in 2-3 runs a week with low mileage long runs. I have to keep remind myself that this is a killer time without training, but it still stings a little.
Every single year I go through this -- I know what I need to do, but I have to get out the door to do it. If I focus on my training I could have the "potential" to have a great year. But it is the defining of what is a great year that stumps me and what I think stops me from doing what I need to do.
At the moment I am reading "A Life Without Limits" by Chrissie Wellington and it is a great book. She really gives you things to think about and this one part (of many) really struck a cord " Begin by establishing where it is you want to get to by the season's end, then establish where you are not, and then set about drawing up the journey in between, working backward from the end. It is no use knowing where you are now and assuming you will get to your goal somehow, nor will it help knowing where your goal is and ignoring your current state."
My problem is I don't know how to identify the "where it is you want to get to." This is why I feel I struggle so much each season with training. No necessarily the physical part of training, but the mental. It comes down the harsh reality that I don't like putting attention on myself. I rather put my energy into others. I've always been this way. It used to drive my dad nuts when it came to me and sports.
The other part of her book that really hit home was when she talked about the difference between pleasing people and making people happy. I am the same in this regards. Try to please people is futile and can only make yourself miserable, but being a good person and helping a person be happy is different. It is why I am loving being the president of the Tri club. This is a way for me to help people be happy, but it is also an easy way to deflect any attention from myself. When I say that I mean for me to concentrate on me and my goals. It easier for me to focus my energy to others instead of myself. I don't know why. Maybe it is because I have this strong drive to make a difference. That is the whole reason why I took on being president.
*Sigh* I have to figure this out. Where is it that want to go? Can someone tell me?