Monday, July 04, 2011


When I read blogs about the struggles of fellow runners, I usually feel empathetic. Can appreciate the pain, frustration and feelings of inadequacies.

Then I read their race time.

Sympathy out the window. Insert anger. Even consider trying to find an address to mail a personalized bitch slap.

Seriously?! A 5k time that is a 7 minute mile is not fucking slow. You know what I would give to be able to run that pace for a mere 30 seconds?!

*rocking back and forth in fetal position**

Okay. Okay. I am fine.

When I read post's like these I think what the fuck is consider slow? In running there is no there?

Well, now there is --

5:00-6:30 m/m - Motherfucking-Kenyan-Leap over tall buildings-UBER Fast (and typically uber skinny).

6:30-7:30 m/m - Burning with jealously and envy- Really fast.

7:30 - 9:00 m/m - Kind of hate you - Fast

9:00-10:00 m/m - Strong dislike with a tinge of envy and a dash of jealousy - boarderline fast.

*10:00-10:30 -- Hello, average. Nice to see you. Let's hang out for awhile. Average.

*10:30-11:00 -- Limbo. Feet still moving forward and dream of consistently falling in the above average category. Boarderline Average.

11:00+ -- Keeping it real. Someone has to cheer on the UBER fast runners. Slow.

*Is typically where I fall. ONCE I fell in the boarderline fast category. Once.

Although I am an average runner and in some circles slow, I don't care!!! Well, I do. But I have to keep myself in check. My goal is to do the best of what MY ability is and not measure it to the bullcrap above. However. If anyone bitches about their 7 m/m pace in front of me I cannot be held accountable for my actions.


T said...


Related: I hate the whole idea that not being super fast means you're simply inexperienced. Something I hear all the time: "Don't worry, if you keep at it, you'll get faster." Ummmm... I've been running for a decade now...

And also, if you're ever in NYC, we should run together :)

4crazygreys said...

Really hate that too! People assume looking at me that I am in the Uber category, then when they realize that I am so not, I want to slap the look of shock off their face.

As for NYC! Absolutely! Might be up that way for work within the next couple months.

Katy the Greaty said...

My husband just finished the Gold Coast Marathon in 3:06. His PB was 3:10. He tore a hammy earlier. Is he happy? No, he was going for sub 3. I have to remind him to get some perspective. His friends are bummed, too. Please. Run and be happy. ONe of his friends spews before long runs in training. TRAINING! Why? Nerves. Can you believe that? Nervous about a training run and races, too. not like he--- no, not going to rant. I just quit ranting. Peeeeaceful.

4crazygreys said...

Holy shit! 3:06!!! AND to add insult to injury he took 4 minutes off his previous time. Damn.

If spewing before a run would make me faster I would totally it.

Anonymous said...

I run marathons in approx. 5 hours at a 12-13min/mile.

I run as fast as I can. I'll never get any faster.

I consider myself an ultra-marathoner. I think that the 7:00 milers should run at that pace for 5 hours and see the world from *my* perspective.

According to a lot of runners, I'm just taking up space and can't call myself a 'runner'.

Ya know, I have a word for them--but it's not a polite word...

Bridget said...

You know what I would say to those people.... a BIG old fashioned F. U., with some hand gestures to go with it. YOU are a runner. You put the time in, you take it serious, you deserve the respect that goes with it.

Ms. Duffy said...

You are hilarious (rocking back and forth...) Count me in when you come to NYC! I hit the borderline fast pace once... by one second per mile :)

kemibe said...

In all fairness, runners -- be they the leaders or the ones with the police car trailing close behind them -- operate using their own frames of reference. Someone who has run a 2:10 marathon has every reason to be extremely disappointed with a 2:15 in a big-name event. A person with reasonable expectations of dipping under 20:00 for 5K and fades to a 21:15 is clearly going to be unhappy.

The thought process of such people is never "I just ran 7:00 pace and that sucks." It's much closer to "I was ready to run 6:40's and didn't, and I blew it." They are too concerned with their own performances to be judging those behind them. I have never heard one genuinely fast runner claim that people taking five hours or whatever to finish marathons are taking up space. You may see a few idiots like that, but chances are they are idiots in other respects whose ideas can be safely ignored.

Huh. The word I'm supposed to type to post this is "horbat." I think I've met a few of those...

4crazygreys said...

I will admit it. I have pace envy. However, there are runners who understand their abilities and are upset they don't meet their goals, but they recognize the fact they are fast and don't say they are slow. They are aware enough to know that their pace isn't that of the average person so they so, I wanted to do this, but didn't. THAT I can understand. But don't just flat out bitch about your running and say your slow and throw down a 21:and change 5k.

True story: I was talking to a woman about my beginning running group. She looked at me and said: "So they are really slow, huh(in a I am so sorry your dog just died voice). Like. What do they run? 10 minutes?"

What a HORBAT!!!

kemibe said...

Damn. I admit I have never heard anyone that crass. (Well, I have, just not at a road race.)

Most people who are considered quite fast are pretty realistic, I think. In my own fastest years I was training very much like a world-class runner, but certainly wasn't racing like one. I could win a lot of local races but was never deluded into thinking I had much more in common with the real elites than someone trying to break 30:00 for 5K for the first time. And I have worked with runners of all abilities and recognize that no one struggle is any more or less noble than another; each is personal, but some happen to be more visible.

"waevers" this time. Disappointingly benign!