Wednesday, November 21, 2007

When your hound is sick the night can seem to last forever. You start playing games with yourself. If we can get through the next half-hour it will be better. I am going to wait till 5 a.m. then...then....then...

I hate not having control. I hate sitting by and not able to help, to do something. To make it better. This morning, not matter what I will make it better. It isn't fair to her to have another night like this.

Sally is having trouble breathing. And she has started coughing. What is it?! The tumor? Pneumonia? Combo of both? My suspicion is it is a combo of both.

It is horrible to see the creature you love like a child hurting. Especially in the wee hours of the morning when hopelessness can wrap around you like a thick blanket. It was so hard for her to get comfortable and laying on one side seemed worse than the other. She would lay there and hold her head up with her nose pointed up like she was holding it above water. Her little mouth opened slightly trying to breathe. At 3:30 I gave her another Lasix and had her switch to the other side. It helped. At 4:30 took her out to relieve herself and gave her the pain meds. Since everyone was up (Rim, John and Maggie) I fed breakfast. Sally ate everything. Now she is resting comfortably and breathing better. Now we wait the 4 hours till our appointment.

When Bill got up at 5 a.m. he was surprised to see me watching tv, drinking coffee, and then he knew. I told him that she can't go through another night like tonight. It isn't fair to her and if there isn't anything to help, then I will make the decision to release her from the pain today.

Many, many, moons ago I worked for a vet for about 5 years. I've learned many things, and one is that it is better to let them go too soon, than too late.


What the hell? Infomericals. I am watching one right now at 5:45 a.m. for a product called "Extends" You have an older gentleman, the 'doctor' and a younger guy that is the 'talk host' and a barely dressed, large bosom woman that is the 'co-host' They are talking about how the product 'Extends' can make a man 'larger' Is this what is on while I am in blissful slumber? This and a million exercise informericals? Are you telling me that the test market research has shown that overweight and the sexually frustrated are watching tv between the hours of 4 a.m. - 5 a.m. for products to get that perfect body? Holy crap are we screwed up or what.

I know I am rambling and going from one thing to another. I can't help it because I am a little loopy from no sleep and watching these damn informericals.


Jen said...

Oh Sally-!!!!!!!

Jen :o(

Shannon said...

All I can tell you is that I'm sitting here bawling...and then laughing. Good luck with Sally.


Vivacious Vegan said...

While it's difficult to do, I'm in full agreement with the the better too soon than too late train of thought, having been through that myself once before. I only hope my family will do the same for me when the time comes.

Thinking good thoughts for you and Sally!

Anonymous said...

Many hugs for you and scritches for Sally. Yes, too often I read of a animal owner who doesn't know when to let go, but you are wise. I wish you peace.

IHateToast said...

my mom's visiting from the states, so when i check google reader, i usually see 1-3 blog entries at a time.

so i read this having seen the next post. and obviously i'd expect that from what you said about the decision. i've been lucky. my pets have always left me. sudden illness or just old age. i have never had to make the decision.

one of tamale's friends just lost a battle. that family did the same thing. letting go before it was too late. talk about when the 'right' decision feels so bad. you were strong for her. that's important.

i'm very sorry for you. no matter how much dignity you gave her in death, the loss sucks and you're grieving.

she is a beautiful dog.