Monday, October 30, 2006

National Drive Like an Asshole Day

Today I am declaring "Drive Like an Asshole Day." It seems every other driver on the road has a serious bug up their ass, are mentally challenged or lacking even the basic knowledge of how to drive a freaking car. Seriously. Did someone put something in the water? Is there going to be a full moon?

My commute to work usually takes a half-hour - that is from the time I leave my driveway till I actually sit down at my desk. Not today my friends. I get on the highway of hell and come to a snail pace at the overpass. From that point it takes me an HOUR to get from the overpass to my parking garage. Why? Because serveral people suffered serious brain farts today. The first was an accident where I have to exit for work - this exit is approximately 3 miles from where I was on the overpass. So I am in the middle lane not moving an inch and noticing that the left lane is whizzing on by me. What the hell? I can't understand it - the left lane is closed up by my exit so why is it moving along --- oh. Some piece of crap car broke down in my lane up ahead and no one can get over to the left lane to pass it because the dickheads on the left won't play nice. I spy an opening, put on my blinker and head to the left lane in front of a truck, who gets pissed that I cut in front of him. Suck it asshole - people need to get around this car - so I let 3 cars stuck behind the broken down piece of crap in front of me. HA! Take that Mr. Truck butthead who was driving way to fast in a 4 lane highway backup guy.

I crawl along and somehow get stuck behind an old lady that thinks she must leave 3 car lengths in front of her at all times in a highway backup. OMG the urge to get out and just bitch slap her. Well then she decided it is time to get over to the right lane and was apparently really nervous doing so since she didn't TURN ON HER BLINKER and just sat there hoping someone would let her in or there would be THREE car lengths of room for her to get over. At this point I am just shaking my head and saying the serenity now prayer (by the way, it didn't work).

I finally reach my exit - now this exit is tricky. You have the people (me) that have the right-a-way and on the right people coming off the other highway needing to merge in with my lane. As if that isn't bad enough, you then have the bone heads that try to squeeze in from the left at the last minute to make the exit. Everyday is a day in patience at this exit. I made it through! At the end of the exit I notice that everything is all freaking screwed up under the bridge? What the hell! Oh. People all of sudden decided NOT TO STOP AT THE RED LIGHT that are coming from the left and are blocking the intersection so people coming off the highway can't get in. This is the first time in the nine years of driving to work I ever seen this happen. What the hell! As if that wasn't bad enough, people are switching lanes - I want left - wait no right - shit - no I was left. Is there a convention in town? Is that why no one knows where the hell they are going?! I can't believe that I didn't have a stroke from the road rage I was experiencing or the sheer fact I didn't kill someone.

The moral of the story? Feel free to flip anyone the bird and express your road rage for it is National Drive Like an Asshole day.

3 comments:

All my tomorrows said...

Hahaha! Hilarious...

Not while you're sitting in it, but later it makes for a good story! :-)

trac said...

The problem was the sun was shining on Monday. We are not used to the sun. When it comes out, all of Syracuse acts like vampires, shielding their eyes, unable to act sane.......I am sure on our cloudy, overcast nasty days, people whizz right along.....

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